MILLENNIUM

"Frank and Catherine Visit Each Others Parents"
by Art and Shea Bennett

---

"Frank meets Catherine's parents..."
by Art


Washington. D.C.
3:47 PM
Catherine's Parents' House 

Frank is examining Catherine's father's body as Catherine and her mom look 
on. The body is stuck high on a wall in the living room, naked but for 
boxer shorts and painted yellow. The body is not hanging from a hook or 
nail of any kind. Instead, the head is covered in a gluey substance which
adheres firmly to smooth surfaces, but removes easily, leaving no sticky
residue. 

FRANK (to Catherine, who is understandably shocked): 
"The killer sees your father as a Post-It Note(TM). He's leaving me a 
message. See here, on his chest.... the killer has carved 'While You Were 
Out' including the time that he called and a number that he can be reached 
at during business hours and another one for evenings and weekends except
Sundays when he's up at the lake but I can reach him on his cel. But he
doesn't actually say *why* he was calling, which has always been my 
question. Very annoying... hmmmmm". 

Catherine doesn't really hear 'cause she's in shock. Catherine's mom 
remains non-plussed. Dad had spent the last 15 years sitting silently in 
the Lazy Boy eating salted nuts and watching game shows anyway. 

CATHERINE'S MOM (sotto voce to Catherine as Frank experiments with sticking 
Dad to different surfaces: the fridge, the mirror in the front hall, the 
phone, etc): "Catherine, your Frank's a very nice boy, but he lends such a 
funerary atmosphere to our family get-togethers, if only because of all the
funerals we have to have afterwards. Dear, as much as I simply *adore* your 
Three Bean Salad and that scrumptious jellied salad you make, you know, the
one with the peas and little rainbow marshmallows? Between this and the 
lawn dart incedent last summer, I think it would be better if you and Frank 
took that trip to New Guinea that you've always talked about, instead of 
coming to the Family Reunion in June." 

She pats Catherine on the shoulder and goes to make some tea. 

Catherine remains standing there, aghast, for another few seconds, comes to 
a decision and leaves for New Guinea on her own. Frank goes off in search 
of her, but gets distracted by cannibals. Jordan wonders where her parents 
went and has a "Home Alone" experience involving bumbling criminals 
possessed by bumbling demons. Mom makes Gum-Drop Cake and some lovely Lemon
Snaps. Scenes of Peter Watts looking solemnly thoughtful (and quite dashing 
in clothing by Eddie Bauer) are guaranteed under the Coo Agreement. 

Tune in this fall for the stunning conclusion...

---

"Catherine meets Frank's parents..."
by Shea Bennett (shea@shamus.force9.net)


THE BLACK SR RESIDENCE
SEATTLE, WASHINGTON
11.43AM 

[SCENE: Shot of a large, family house in the suburbs. Two cars in the 
driveway. A dog barks in the yard.] 

[Sound of doorbell ringing. Camera pans to Frank and Catherine, both in
their early twenties, waiting outside the door of the house.] 

[Door opens. A man, similar looking to Frank, but older.] 

Frank: "Dad! Hi. I've met a new woman, this is..." 

Frank's father: "Catherine?" 

Frank: "Er.. yeah. Can we..." 

Frank's father: "Come in? Sure." 

[The three walk through into the lounge. Frank's mother is sitting there, 
sewing.] 

Frank's mother: "You must be Catherine! Frank, you didn't tell me you were 
getting..." 

Frank's father: "Married. No." 

Frank: "Er..." 

Catherine: "Er.. hello Mr and Mrs Black." 

Frank's mother: "Hello dear. Coffee? White, with sweetner?" 

Catherine: "Er... yes. How did you know?" 

Frank's father: "We see what the killer sees." 

Catherine: "WHAT?" 

Frank's mother: "Or the wife-to-be." 

Frank: "Mom! We only met yesterday." 

Frank's mother: "Yes dear. You'll have a lovely wedding, although your 
brother will get drunk on one glass of wine, as usual." 

Frank's father: "And think twice before inviting Aunt Marge. You know she 
always cries her eyes out -- and she will." 

Frank and Catherine: "Huh?" 

Frank's mother: "Jordan is such a lovely girl." 

Frank: "Who?" 

Frank's mother: "Jordan, your daughter. Lovely head of hair. Pretty." 

Catherine: "Er..." 

Frank's father: "Ben's a good name for a dog, Frank. Of course, you'll be 
moving back to Seattle by then." 

Frank: "Wha?" 

Frank's father: "The nervous breakdown will be tough, on you Frank. Oh, and 
don't worry about Al Pepper or The Judge -- that get taken care of by 
outside forces." 

Frank: "Eh?" 

Frank's mother: "Shame about Bob Bletcher, though. He was a good friend." 

Frank: "Bob? What about him?" 

Frank's mother: "You'll see. But tell him to always wait for back up." 

Catherine [wide eyed look]: "Huh?" 

Frank's mother: "Oh, and a word of advice, Frank -- you'll be after a guy 
called Richard Hance. Don't check any of the floors of the warehouse out by 
yourself." 

Frank: "WHAT?" 

Frank's father: "Catherine -- remember this name: David Marx." 

Catherine: "What?" 

Frank's mother: "And when Jordan gets sick... don't worry. You'll cope." 

Frank: "We will? How..?" 

Frank's mother: "The same way we coped with you." 

Frank: "WHAT?" 

Frank's father: "It doesn't matter now. You'll see." 

Frank: "What? How will I see?" 

Frank's father and mother: "You just will, Frank. You just will." 

---

END