MILLENNIUM "Alias Grapes" by Shiver (carrolln@infomatch.com) AKA "If Margaret Atwood Wrote Fanfic..." --- Actually Margaret Atwood’s books are a lot like Millennium episodes. They both begin with obscure quotes, there’s at least one violent death, and the people you meet in them aren’t always very nice. So... --- FRANK BLACK INVESTIGATES A TWENTY YEAR OLD GROCERY MURDER IN WHICH AN INNOCENT PERSON MAY HAVE BEEN CONVICTED IN "ALIAS GRAPES" 1. Squished Pigeons ********************** ** *** *** *** *** ********************** "I think Armageddon would be a bad thing, because, you know, it would be bad. It isn’t like, game over, insert coin, it’s like - no more world. I mean, when you get down to it, that’s what the end of the world means, right? No more world. And it would really be unfair to the gorillas and endangered animals and stuff, cause it’s not like they even deserve it. Let’s face it, when the seas start turning to blood and boiling, that’s going to kill a lot of fish. All in all, I just don’t go in for Armageddon in a big way." -Susanna Moodie "Life in the Clearings" Come, see more bad stuff happen. - BASHO 1. 1997. I am sitting in my cell in Kingston jail, working on my laptop. I have entered a correspondence course in Queens University. Right now I am E-mailing my sister, Lucy Butler with cool quotes I have picked at random from the Bible. She likes them. Lucy says they really scare the cops - there’s always one that thinks it has something to do with his address. I love the Bible. It serves so many purposes. I had another dream about peonies last night. It was very symbolic. I write it down on the back of a napkin and paste it into my scrapbook. I think of all the things they have said about me - that I was a murderess, that I sold fresh fruit at the corner store, that I had a sweet and pleasant disposition, that I had a bad temper, that I was uncommonly pretty, that I robbed a dead woman to appear so, that I was a simpleton, that I was a cunning liar, that I was well educated, that I was illiterate, that I had green eyes, that I had blue eyes, that I was Lucy’s supposedly dead son, that I was Lucy, that I was Satan, that I was Bletcher in disguise, that Peter Watts was the Polaroid Stalker, that I was the Polaroid Stalker, that Frank Black was the Polaroid Stalker, that Rodya Raskolnikov was the Polaroid Stalker, that Mr. Ed was Satan, that Lucy was Satan, that Satan was Frank Black which is why he had those visions but he hadn’t figured it out yet, that Chris Carter was Satan, that Satan was the Polaroid Stalker, that Cancer Man was the Stalker - and I think, I really wish I had a pair of gloves. Part 2. Falling Bricks ********************** ** *** *** *** *** ********************** "There is nothing supernatural on Millennium. Everything is perfectly normal." -Chris Carter (paraphrased) Frank Black steps out of the shadows into the dim light of the cell. It was highly symbolic. The blue green light gives an odd tint to the bricks, giving Frank the impression he is looking at the interior of a lung. Not that it looks anything like a lung you understand, but it was a metaphor. At any rate, although Frank Black was not a doctor, he had seen the interiors of enough bodies over the years to know what a lung did or did not look like, and it definitely looked nothing whatsoever like the cell but it was a cool metaphor. He glanced over to the strange, perfectly composed figure in the corner. This, then was Grace "Grapes" Marx, the lowly servant girl who had strangled both her employer and his mistress, cut them into four pieces, hid them in a cellar, stole the woman’s clothes and run off to the States, tracking behind her more blood than a cockroach at a meat counter. Now people thought she was innocent. Frank wasn’t convinced. But then again, he’d thought OJ was guilty. Frank glances around the cell ignoring the various Perfectly Normal Visions that assail him. -I brought you an apple he says. -oh Frank gives her the apple and watches her turn it over in her hands. It is highly symbolic. Ever since Bletch had been brutally killed in the basement and Jordan had turned out to be the Antichrist and Frank had been forced to make a deal with the devil and accept Pauly Shore as his new partner, he’d been feeling somewhat depressed. That reminds him. He takes out his diary and writes himself a quick note of reminder -kill Pauly. He nods to himself in satisfaction while replacing it in his pocket. Grace is still staring at the apple. -why did you give me this apple she says -it’s symbolic he says -I can see that she says But what am I to do with it. -whatever you like he says. She throws the apple at him, hard. He ducks without looking because he knew she was going to throw it. Not that he’s psychic of course. That reminds him. He takes his diary out of his pocket and writes a small note below the first one - kill Peter. He doesn’t have any reason for writing this except he knows he will some day and he likes everything to be well planned. -why are you here she asks -they want to know if you are guilty or not he says. He checks his diary again, noting the previous entries which he does not remember writing. He sighs. He writes another note: do not drink from any more water coolers, and erases everything else. Then he hesitates and writes Kill Pauly again in capital letters, underlined twice. He is beginning to think that the two hours of sleep a night combined with his diet of caffeine and moldy peanuts is not good for him. Perhaps he should take up jogging. -are you here to determine whether I’m guilty or not? -yeah. -I’m not going to tell you. -I know. I’ve been there. -I was actually thinking of lying and manipulating you and everyone else in a psychological game of cat and mouse for my own evil twisted pleasure. -I know. I’ve been there. -I was thinking of twisting your own hypocrisy and prejudices in my favour, and then getting hypnotized, pretending to have a split personality and utterly destroying you along with everyone else I encounter. -Been there. Bought the T shirt. -You’re very annoying, aren’t you Mr. Black? -Yes I suppose I am. -What if I told you I know where you live and my sister Lucy is murdering your family right now? -That’s next week’s episode. -Ah. well in that case I’m just going to torment you with ambiguities and leave you forever uncertain of my guilt or innocence, prey to the demons of your mind that love to feed on disquietude and uncertainty. -Actually Grace I know you’re as guilty as hell. -but how? I had all those manipulative shifting points of view and everything! -My Visions Which Are Perfectly Normal and Have Nothing Psychic About Them Whatsoever told me so. Grace ponders this for a moment. -Darn, she says mildly. There goes the Booker. --- END